You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
