Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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