She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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