Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
