i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Randomize
