Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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