Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
