My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
