my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
