Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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