My first STD was from a foam party
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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