whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
