Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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