I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
