our cab driver is having phone sex.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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