Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize