so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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