If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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