ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
