New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
