There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
