laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
