Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
