my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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