Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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