my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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