It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
