Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
