this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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