he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
