Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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