how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Randomize
