the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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