Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
