FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize