Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
