She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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