she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
