just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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