I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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