We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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