Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize