I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
