In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
