Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
