operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
