omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
