Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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