My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
