She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
