he wants to bone in the snuggie
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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