This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
