Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
