her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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