I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
