Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
