just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
