Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize