My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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