I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
