Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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