I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
