Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
