i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
