Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
