i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
