im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
