i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
