I heard we made out
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
