Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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