She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
