He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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