They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
