epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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