Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
