remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
