I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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