too bad you live with your parents still
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
