his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
